


Misconceptions

by Rowboat_Girlyman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Arumika Week, Arumika Week 2019, Day seven: AGC, Eavesdropping, F/M, Humor, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:05:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowboat_Girlyman/pseuds/Rowboat_Girlyman
Summary: Eren overhears something he's not supposed to.





	Misconceptions

**Author's Note:**

> The day is finally here, the day I've been looking forward to.
> 
> Day Seven: Armin's Gargauntan Cock
> 
> Have fun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

During basic training, the next generation of soldiers are taught countless things to aide them in defending humanity. They are taught hand to hand combat, extreme weather survival skills, first aid and, of course, how to fight titans.

What the instructors didn’t tell the cadets was that each arm military was required by royal decree to maintain at least some degree of self-sufficiency, the idea being that even if the government could no longer provide food rations to them, the military could still function for some time.

For the MPs, this simply meant buying a large amount of surplus grain and meats with their bribe money and storing it in specialist warehouses in the off chance they get an inspection.

Of course, to anyone with a brain, this wasn’t the MPs being self-sufficient at all, but with enough money lining enough pockets, this issue was quickly forgotten by those in power.

The garrison, being the largest arm, maintained communal farms dotted all around wall Rose, which produced just enough food to feed most of the garrison and any excess was handed out to the hungry and the poor.

And the survey corp?

Well, they raised animals; chickens, cows, sheep and pigs.

How they got all these animals was a well-kept secret within the corp, but Commander Erwin had always thought it was a shame to leave all those tamed, domesticated farm animals roaming around in the lost lands of Wall Maria…

Usually, the newest recruits in the corp were placed on a rotating duty to look after this crucial strategic livestock and were tasked with either milking the cows, picking up freshly laid eggs or shaving the sheep to make new uniforms. Those who showed a natural aptitude for animal husbandry such as Armin, Krista and Sasha were assigned to help raise the animals.

However, the butchering was left to the corp’s chefs after the infamous food poison incident of last summer. Even now, Connie still argues how he was supposed to know the chicken had already been dead for that long?

Eren, much to his chagrin, quickly discovered that being able to turn into a 15m class titan and possibly being the best hope for humanity to reclaim their lost land, didn’t exempt him from these tasks. Which was why he was currently walking toward the cow pastures with a large milking bucket in hand.

“This is such bullshit.” He grumbled to himself. He didn’t like cows; they were fat, smelly creatures who gluttonously stuff their stupid faces with food all day long. They reminded him of those selfish nobles in the capital who only cared about the size of their vaults. 

That and the first time he had tried to milk one, a red-faced Sasha had to redirect him toward the female cow pasture.

_‘Stupid cows.’_ He thought bitterly, aggressively swinging the bucket as he walked, as to broadcast his displeasure to anyone who might see.

Such was his grumblings that he almost didn’t hear the familiar voices coming from a nearby barn.

“Oh my… Armin, that’s incredible.” Mikasa’s usual level tone had been replaced with one of unabashed fascination.

“I know right. Squad leader Hanji said the same thing when I showed her.” Armin replied, sounding immensely pleased about something.

Eren’s interest was immediately peaked. Mikasa was usually so calm and collected, while Armin often struggled with his self-confidence, so hearing them both sounding like this intrigued him.

He quietly snuck up to the barn and pressed his ear against the old wooden door, not wanting to intrude and disturb whatever had them sounding so unusual.

“I can see why! It’s so big…” his adopted sister breathed out in wonder.

_‘Wait… what?’ _With no way of seeing into the barn to see what Mikasa was talking about, Eren pressed his ear closer to the door.

“Can… can I hold it?” she sounded unsure, perhaps even nervous of whatever _it_ was.

“Sure Mikasa, just be careful though. It can be quite lively, nearly poked Hanji’s eye out when she held it.” His best friend said with a soft chuckle.

There was the sound of movement in the barn, which Eren assumed to be Armin walking towards Mikasa, who let out a small grunt as she held whatever the thing was.

Then to Eren’s completely disbelief, after a second or two of silence, Mikasa giggled. She didn’t laugh, or chuckle or even snort in amusement. No, Mikasa Ackerman, the pride of the 104th and the woman worth a hundred soldiers _giggled._

The noise easily put even Krista’s most angelic laughter to shame, with how blissfully sweet and heart-warming it was.

He forced down a strange spark of jealously at the sound. He had known Mikasa for years and had only made her laugh in a handful of occasions, and yet somehow Armin had managed to make her _giggle._

_ ‘Just what the hell are they doing in there?’_

“Wow Armin, it’s much heavier than it looks. How’d it get this big?” she asked after her small giggling fit had passed.

“It’s mostly natural, but good food and plenty of fresh air certainly haven’t hurt.” Armin’s voice was practically dripping with pride as he spoke.

_‘What the fuck… What are they talking about?’ _

“You can stroke it if you want Mikasa, don’t worry, it doesn’t bite.” Eren could practically hear the reassuring smile on Armin’s face as he spoke.

For some reason, the mental image of that familiar smile didn’t make Eren feel reassured.

“Oh… Stroke it like this?”

“Careful, not too hard. Stroke a bit slower. Yeah, just like that, that’s perfect!”

_‘No…’_ Eren took a step back, his heart hammering in his chest. ‘_No, no, no.’_

This couldn’t be happening, he refused to believe it. There had to be a misunderstanding, they couldn’t possibly be doing _that_ in there.

Swallowing thickly, he pressed his ear once more against the barn door, hoping against all the odds that he was wrong.

“I think it likes it.” Mikasa said, sounding happier than he’d heard her in years.

They both laughed when Armin assured her that _it_ did.

“You should be proud, Armin.” Mikasa finally spoke again after a few moments of stroking. “This is the biggest cock I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a quite a few since joining the scouts.”

Somewhere in the deep recesses of Eren’s mind, there was the sound like shattering glass as he processed what he had just heard. His worst fears had just been realised, and now he was left with only two options; run away in horror and denial or confront them and demand answers.

And Eren had never been one to run away.

Not even bothering to try the handle on the unlocked barn door, Eren broke it clean in two with a kick which would have made Captain Levi smile and stormed into the barn, mentally preparing himself for the sight he was about to see.

Armin may be his best friend and brother in all but blood, but there was no way in hell he was going to let him do this to Mikasa, even if she agreed to it.

Especially if she agreed to it!

“ALRIGHT ARLERT, YOU BETTER EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR SO HELP ME I WILL FEED YOU TO A TITAN.” he roared out, not caring in the slightest that everyone in the scout’s headquarters could hear him.

Or the people in the ‘nearby’ village, several miles away.

When the red mist cleared after his deafening shout, he saw his friend and sister clearly for the first time. To his surprise they were not in some compromising position; missing items of clothing or groping each other as he had feared. They were in fact, standing a friendly distance apart and both fully dressed in their uniforms, with no sign of any _questionable _activity having taken place.

It would have been a perfectly normal sight had it not been for what Mikasa was holding.

In her arms was the single largest cockerel Eren had ever seen. Easily 2-foot-tall, and nearly 1 and half at its widest, the giant bird obscuring most of Mikasa’s upper body from his sight with only to top half of her head being visible. Even with her nearly superhuman strength, Mikasa seemed to have trouble holding the bird up.

The mighty cockerel looked at Eren with what could only be described as an annoyed expression at how loud he had been and more importantly, the disruption he had caused to Mikasa’s stroking of its fluffy white feathers.

There was no mistaking it, Mikasa was holding a truly gargantuan cock.

Hands clamped around his ringing ears Armin cried out, “Ow Eren, what the hell man?”

Eren just continued to stare back at the giant cock, his mind slowly running through the conversation once more. Two small puffs of steam escaped his ears, his healing ability working overtime to prevent his brain from its impending meltdown.

Then, without a word, Eren twisted 180 degrees on the balls of his feet and marched out of the barn. He made it several metres away before Mikasa poked her head out after him, still holding the enormous cock with both hands.

“Where are you going Eren? What’s the matter? Don’t you want to hold Armin’s cock as well? He raised it from birth.” she called after him, concern and confusion warring in her tone at his deafeningly loud shout and subsequent retreat.

The only answer Eren gave was to break into a run back towards the HQ. He didn’t care if Captain Levi punished him for not completing his duties, Eren just wanted to find a cold, dark room to lie down in or a large bottle of hard liquor to knockback.

Preferably both.

* * *

“What was that all about?” Armin queried, joining Mikasa in poking his head out of the barn.

"I’m not sure, but Eren doesn’t seem to get along with most of the animals. Maybe the size frightened him.” Mikasa reasoned, stepping back into the barn while still holding the large cockerel. They’d have to find another barn to put Atlas in until the door Eren broke could be replaced.

That will be an interesting conversation to have with the quartermaster.

“So… do you still want to meet up again tonight?” Armin asked with a small flush on his cheeks after checking Eren was definitely gone.

“Of course.” Mikasa replied with a small sly smile, “Come to my room after lights-out. I gave Sasha my lunch ration so she’d bunk with Krista and Ymir.”

She handed Atlas back to Armin and pressed a quick kiss against his cheek. “Don’t be late, Armin. I have a surprise planned for you.” she whispered before heading off to complete the rest of her daily duties.

Armin watched his girlfriend, and her swaying hips, stride away and gave a wistful sigh. “God, I love her.”

“Squawk” was his giant cock’s reply.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually quite proud of this one, despite how silly it is, so I hope you lot enjoyed it as well!


End file.
